A Massacre Has Occurred

Today I lived through the most awful thing that has happened to me since I arrived in Cambodia – more awful than amoebas, more terrifying than my first bike ride in 5 o’clock traffic in downtown Phnom Penh, more horrific than my recent bout with India’s famed Delhi belly. It was a massacre. And I was doing the killing. But don’t feel sorry for the slain – if anything, feel proud of my courage. After all, each of the victims had eight legs and if that isn’t enough to carry you far from the aim of my Raid, then it’s evolutions way of saying you deserve to die.



But honestly, it was horrific. As many of you know, I have an unexplainable and, some say, unreasonable fear of spiders. To many of you this is humorous or endearing – to those of you genetically prone to the same all-encompassing dread, you know it to be serious and well grounded. Anything with more than four legs is better off dead in my book.

Now to the massacre – the she-devil was crouched in my bathroom, fangs glaring at me, awaiting my arrival, to devour me whole. I happen to glimpse her before she could pounce (it’s hard to miss something the size of a golf ball and as black as death on a white tile floor…) and I recoiled faster than she expected. Nor did she expect the entire can of Cambodian Raid to be sprayed in her direction from a good 5 feet away (better safe than sorry – they do have jumping spiders you know). It was about a minute into my fog of cancer-inducing spraying that I notice the odd lump beneath her. About that time a few dozen black dots exploded from this odd lump, followed by a few hundred more (I’m gagging just thinking about it, not to mention the goosebumps…). Yes – the witch was in the process of LAYING her offspring in my BATHROOM. I sprayed until I became worried that I might actually be causing cancer for a few blocks and then watched for a good ten minutes (again from a safe 5 feet – they say the small ones are the worst…) to make sure that nothing was moving. After a “I can’t believe that just freakin’ happened” dance, I decided it was safe to enter the bathroom (after one more good fogging – of the entire apartment) and wash them down the drain. Needless to say, Mommacita was too large for a simple drain and it took me a full half hour to work up the courage to pick her up using my long-handled scrub brush and flush her down the toilet (five times just to be safe…).

They should give badges of courage for such accomplishments! How am I to sleep in that room tonight? (With the Raid can by my side, no doubt!) I considered running downstairs and buying a direct flight home until I remembered that in the far too recent past, my mother witnessed the grandfather of all spiders emerging from what I once considered my safe haven of a bedroom (It was a tarantula in our HOME in Tulia). It appears no place is safe for me to lay my head…

And eventually, I’ll write about something much more compelling like my recent trip to India…But for now I must go upstairs and fog my apartment once more before bedtime. G’Night!

Same Same but Oh So Different: Singapore and the Rest of Southeast Asia

Just returned from a fast and furious weekend in Singapore. The following should give you a decent impression of what I saw and thought. For more, check out my pictures, which are now posted on a new website: http://cbgypsypics.shutterfly.com/


Ways in Which Singapore is Unlike the Rest of Southeast Asia:

1. It is clean. Super clean. Might actually consider eating something I just dropped on the sidewalk, “Oh my word! Is that a cigarette butt?!? How did that get there - someone is going to pay.” clean.
2. It’s efficient. Not only does the mass transit system WORK, but it is also AIR CONDITIONED. Bringing us to point number 3…
3. It is air-conditioned. From the highly overpriced backpacker hostels we stayed at, to the malls the size of small Pacific Islands, to the most wonderful little Indian restaurant where we talked jovially with a sweet Indian woman from Malaysia before lapsing entirely into food-induced euphoria. It was a cool place – literally.
4. You can eat cheap food without worrying about growing worms in your belly or digesting part of the rickety cart that makes up the street food vendors makeshift food wagon because in Singapore they have ‘hawker stalls’ – basically glorified food courts that not only appear much cleaner than the SEA street food generally dripping in dirt and grime but are also either nicely organized and generally efficient and/or (you guessed it) air-conditioned.
5. No one stares at you for being silly enough to walk around being white. I had forgotten what it was like – and what a simple joy it is – to walk down the street without ever man, woman, child and dog ogling you like you just stepped off a UFO with two heads and antenna. Of course, if you decide to spend a morning swimming in the ocean that is spitting distance from the equator with no sunscreen after months of living a hermits life in an industrial cave you call home and therefore rendering yourself the same shade as the famous Singapore Sling, you can prepare yourself for a few odd glances. But that is self-induced and does not count.
6. I saw no men pissing on the streets. For you lucky, lucky Americans who never have to deal with this travesty outside a college frat party or drunken bum in the subway, please let me tell you that all the non-profit organizations, all the government money, all the humanitarian efforts in the world will be a failure until the last man pisses on the streets of Southeast Asia. Until this disgusting habit is broken, we cannot consider ourselves to have made any leeway in creating a better world. Singapore found a more permanent solution: a $5000 dollar fine (and probably a good caning just to make sure you got the point…).
7. There are no mopeds. Or at least precious few. Awaking to the blessed silence that is not broken by the WWWWAAAHHH of a moped was pure ecstasy. I don’t know how they managed to stop the spread of that dreaded two-wheeled killer of serenity but I am beyond grateful.
8. Alcohol is taxed 100%. This is the only negative I could see. That and the fact that you apparently lose some of the exotic excitement of a culture when you add efficiency and modern comforts. The city was amazing – it is true. But it did have the feel of a perfectly planned resort. Nice for a weekend get away from the roar and chaos of a developing country but decidedly predictable.



Ways in Which Singapore is the Same as Other Southeast Asian Countries:

1. Personal space is still a foreign concept.
2. Cutting in line – or ignoring the line – is still considered ok - by older woman in particular.
3. While none of the babies actually cried at the sight of me – I still think I scared a few. Maybe it’s not my whiteness…Maybe it’s me?
4. There are still too many people.
5. There are still things that just don’t make sense to my western mind. Case in point: To save a few bucks, Molly and myself decided to play street bums and buy a couple cans of beer to consume on the corner. Fearing fines above and beyond reason and even possible canings, Molly inquired with the friendly neighborhood 7-Eleven man as to whether this was considered kosher. To which he replied with a big smile, “Oh yes. You may consume alcohol on the street as long as you do not disturb more than two people.” Don’t ask me – some things I will simply never understand.